That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
