i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
