so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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