I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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