You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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