i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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