Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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