I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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