I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
