She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
