Banned from zoo.
Again?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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