You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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