i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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