I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
