I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
