I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
