My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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