what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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