just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
