had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
