Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
