he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
