dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
