just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
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Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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