I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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