awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
