She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
