tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
