She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
