grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
