In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's always time for handjobs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
