How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
