Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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