He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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