Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
