You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I won the penis lottery.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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