u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
