i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
