don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
