My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
high people should be assigned attendants
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
