You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
