I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Porn is love you can see.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
