Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
