she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
