my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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