My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
