i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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