I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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