it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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