hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
