We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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