I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
