Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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