hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
