Screwed.edu
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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