He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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