I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
