I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
time to smoke my breakfast
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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