I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
