I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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