i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
