And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize