They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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