Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
