The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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