naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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