she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
