I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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