I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
handjob tips. give me some.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
