Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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