Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
