like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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