I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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