the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
