I just saw a hot homeless man
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
