i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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