dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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