nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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