I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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