So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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